It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
