we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
