If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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