between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
