I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
