dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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