It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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