are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
