Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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