i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
