is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
