We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
