apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
