Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
