I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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