i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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