I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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