please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
