They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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