He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You dont lie about slip and slides
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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