there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize