youre lurking in front of me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
