Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I look better un-naked...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
