Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
