Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
my liver is dry heaving
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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