I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
