"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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