you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
