So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
