yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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