no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize