ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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