She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
