dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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