I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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