I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
