I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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