I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
