well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
