I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
