Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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