he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
