I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
