yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
