also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Bring me that man meat
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
