What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
