i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
