He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
