woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
