so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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