bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
