oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
