remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
