If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
