My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
