There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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