I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
