U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
