I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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