Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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