My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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