I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
