____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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