3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
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There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.