im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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