I think i sorta joined a cult last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
