It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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