and you said cock pushups were impossible
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
