Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.

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(407): in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead. http://tfl.nu/kxwf

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?

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(603): Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background? http://tfl.nu/ypnh

Replies (76) Good night (4870) Bad night (804)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Chicken burrito, or no deal.

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

Is that code for my vagina?

(402): View more from Nebraska

Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito

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(402): Chicken burrito, or no deal. (1-402): Is that code for my vagina? (402): Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito http://tfl.nu/ldfv

Replies (30) Good night (4425) Bad night (1131)
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(760): View more from California

i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped

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(760): i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped http://tfl.nu/yuxq

Replies (54) Good night (3656) Bad night (1109)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

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(814): I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party. http://tfl.nu/nrd6

Replies (16) Good night (3211) Bad night (678)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

guys are only as good as the porn they watch

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(919): guys are only as good as the porn they watch http://tfl.nu/x0jq

Replies (71) Good night (4142) Bad night (1342)
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(616): View more from Michigan

somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.

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(616): somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult. http://tfl.nu/q2ig

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.

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(267): The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon. http://tfl.nu/yrqs

Replies (8) Good night (1218) Bad night (3930)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket

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(919): and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket http://tfl.nu/744s

Replies (2) Good night (3552) Bad night (1602)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.

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(484): it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way. http://tfl.nu/08h1

Replies (5) Good night (1148) Bad night (656)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did

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(610): You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did http://tfl.nu/pssp

Replies (3) Good night (1444) Bad night (475)
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(801): View more from Utah

Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.

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(801): Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later. http://tfl.nu/hc8l

Replies (10) Good night (613) Bad night (780)
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(540): View more from Virginia

It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.

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(540): It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch. http://tfl.nu/7b1x

Replies (2) Good night (469) Bad night (639)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage

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(770): Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage http://tfl.nu/r3c2

Replies (2) Good night (656) Bad night (338)
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(641): View more from Iowa

I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that

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(641): I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that http://tfl.nu/230f

Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (133)

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