can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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