i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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