Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
