I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
