She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
